What a journey it has been. Since last chatting with you I have grown tremendously. It is crazy what kind of things can happen in 2 years. I have lost friends, made new friends, worked on my inner self, grown professionally, gotten closer to my family and my true self. 2020 in specifics has been a whirlwind as it has been for everyone, I'm sure.
I have no idea where to start when talking to you, there is so much to say. I'd love to hear about you and your wins, struggles and breakthroughs! So where can I begin?
Lets start personally. I take pride in my self reflection but man have I learned a lot. One, podcasts have been my jam. Two, a friend of mine wrote an amazing book. (Follow @MacVernet on Instagram) Three, I have found meditation and true manifestation. GAME CHANGER. All of the self reflection has helped me see my strengths, weaknesses, and areas of opportunity. It's funny because it's very easy to say that someone is toxic or that you are not toxic. HA! Bull! You are most definitely toxic in someone's story and sometimes you are toxic in your own story too! First step is to realize that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT and IT IS OK! Life is all about growth! That's what makes life so beautiful, The most important thing that we forget though, is how to take care of ourself, our soul, our psyche, and our heart. Don't mind me while I step on my soapbox. We hold people to a high standard and we don't have boundaries. Here's my deal....instead of talking about my positives, which I hope everyone that knows me knows very well, let me talk about my faults. Sure it sounds negative but if you don't acknowledge things that you need to change or your "toxic" traits then how do you change? How can you grow? Maybe me pointing some of this out in myself with help you see a little bit in yourself. Or maybe not? We are all different and my weak points might be your strong ones and vice versa. No judgement and all love here.
Doing some deep self reflection here I found several things that needed to be worked on ASAP. First off, I am a people pleaser. I NEVER would have pinned myself as such but you know what, I truly did want people to like me. I want to be everyones "person they can count on" and I want people to feel 100% acknowledged and appreciated when I am around. I realized that I confused my behavior with being loyal or being a "good friend". Well guess what, I was a push over and sometimes resentful. I was not a good friend to the best friend that I should have, me. I learned to create boundaries. It was hard to say no to some people but I had to. Some people didn't like it. So what. My best friend felt relieved. It made me realize that some of the friendships that I was holding on to were based on being one sided, and that one side was me giving and giving but getting no reciprocity. That's not how relationships work. Big grown up moment haha! Now don't get me wrong, that is not how each of these friendships were lost but a couple, sure. Man it sounds terrible like I lost a million friends but to be honest, I held on tight to the people that truly needed to be in my circle, how about that.
I could go on and on! Before this post gets too long I will leave it there and continue another day. I'm using this platform to get thoughts out and whatever my fingers type is what will be published. Reach out if you would like! I'm sure I will go over more of my "toxic" traits on another day! I don't just have one, most of us don't.
Be a bright light,